These past 10 months have been ones of great changes which caused some intense pain, making room for the sprouting of new experiences and joys. I feel so fortunate to be able to reflect on this season of my life with an open heart, one that is forever in a healing process, as all of our hearts are… I decided it was time to write, to reflect, and to appreciate the growth that’s come from the many experiences of the year thus far.
I started the year focusing on self love/healing through adventure and solitude. Something I have grown so accustomed to loving and appreciating… The solitude in which I’m able to exist fully and honestly in a single moment with myself, detached from all judgement and aware of my feelings towards my present. I learned to give myself a break when I make decisions I grow to regret. I learned that having compassion for everyone around me was not as sweet if I didn’t have compassion for myself first. What a strengthening lesson; to let go of all our little ideas and exist fully in the adventure of a single moment!
Through recent travels, I have been exposed to new ideas and ways of living, some I’ve embraced and adopted as my own and others I was given wonderful opportunities to simply appreciate, providing a constant expansion of my mind thanks to the diverse world we live in. I want for very little with a mind as open as this. It’s extraordinary to allow new ideas to flow freely through me without judgment. If you know me, you know I don’t believe in judgment. I don’t believe in judging anything… It’s the sole source of pain through attachment and leads way to entitlement and the ultimate inflation of ego which is, hopefully, what we grow to break apart. I have been learning that the destruction of myself is the only way I am able to be born. It is sometimes very painful, unlearning lies we’ve been taught, letting go of people or things that no longer serve us, change… But upon reflection, these realities are the most effective at restoration to one’s truest self.
I’ve learned a great deal about who I want to be for myself and that spills over into my actions and behavior outwardly to everyone else; ultimately, the example I set is the very foundation of the type of person(s) I want to attract in my life. No pressure right?! Having compassion has been a great starting point on the path of being the best version of me I can possibly be. I learn by remaining aware of what I am putting out into the world. As human beings we absorb all the energies surrounding us, and reflect that back out to the world on a daily basis. I made a mental ideals list on the characteristics I want to offer: Love. Compassion. Strength. Loyalty. Honesty. Integrity. These sum up the type of human I strive to be - towards everyone I meet - setting a fearless example for myself and those around me to be strong, honest, joyful beings. I’m still learning in this area… Daily.
Ultimately the reflections of the year show me something very pertinent - in order to maintain a peaceful mind and joyful heart I must maintain an open mind and open heart. In spite of heartbreak, of being let down or overwhelmed, at the end of each day, I still choose vulnerability because I’d much rather endure a little pain from love lost than the ignorant faux-bliss resulting from never fully loving. Never fully exposing myself. It’s braver. And I’m a pretty brave woman.
I wish you strength to wake up each morning and choose vulnerability. Fear is a nasty little lie that tells us our resistance to vulnerability is necessary for protection. In reality, it’s just robbing you of potential experience. Don’t let it.